He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
