If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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