Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
