do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
