the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
