i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
