Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
honey bunches of taint.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
