he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
