OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
