next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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