Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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