i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
