you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
