Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
