btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
