also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
