All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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