I got chris browned last night
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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