I want to walk on stilts...naked
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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