This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
