I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
