i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
