Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
