I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
