I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
