Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
