i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
