Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Randomize
