He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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