Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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