i think i have two assholes
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
