I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
