too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
