i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize