that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize