I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think a kid would responsible me up
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
