you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
