I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
