Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
