If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
