Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
