I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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