Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
This toilet bowl is my home.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
