She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
