And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
