so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam đ
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
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