I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
