Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
