if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize