the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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