Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
ttyl tear gas
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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