i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
