bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
