Porn is love you can see.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
