Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
