im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
