At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
