THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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