i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize