I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
