couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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