i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
