my phone needs a breathalizer
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
