I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
