Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i love accidental penises.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Randomize
