well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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