k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
