Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
