Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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