You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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