I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize