Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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