He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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