I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm too high and old for this...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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