I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
