In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize