I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
