She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
