It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
