Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
