I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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