I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
