I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize