Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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