dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
