Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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