so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
