This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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