Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
