What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
