Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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