I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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