So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
