I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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