So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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