i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
