New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
