We won't sleep together?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
