2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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