I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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