Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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