She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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