Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
