a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
