She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
